why do i keep screwing up?
i don't even think i'm asking too much from life, why am i always not contented?
i'd rather im born extra poor, from a place with horrible environment, with limited food and facilities.
and i better accept the harsh fact that i'm just as common and as negligible as many others in this world. i'm never smarter and in no way better. in fact maybe i'm below average. but what is average really there to show? just to make me feel worse day by day? just to let me realize how differential treatment works? wow it's been happening so frequently that i don't even know what's the norm that i used to recognize was like. i should have known long ago that the only few people in this world who truely treats me as unique and likable being are so limited that i can count them off with one hand. or maybe even less.
no, they don't even include my closer friends. not even people who always smiled and talked to me. and maybe not even those who claim/claimed that they like me.
reality is cruel, or at least now i think it is.
yea, you are just closer to that person, you just like that person better. i used to wonder why walking beside which one of your friends matters. obviously it really matters, you, you all, are so absolutely uncomfortable when i'm walking in the middle. i can only walk in front or at the back when the walkway gets narrow. it really pisses me off at times. it's something so tiny and unnoticeable yet you bother about it so much that it bothers me.
fine, you can say it's all my problem. i don't even wanna know the reason. but i can see with my own eyes so clearly that you get much more attention because you look prettier.
prettier.
it's that simple, amazingly simple, isn't it?
i've never thought that comparison can get so harsh. no, i don't even want the attention you get. but now you and you guys made me realize how negligible i am. the extend that your "beauty" applies to isn't even justifiable.
but then again i realize, life never was.
things i said could get ignored totally no matter how important/interesting/stupid/anything they are, because i, or rather my face, doesn't deserve all your attention.
i never thought that i'm ugly, i still don't. that's one thing i should be glad of isn't it.
i should just keep quiet, right. because someone whom you think is ugly shouldn't be trying to grab any attention, even the rightful ones.
seeing how much these people ignore me just makes me more appreciative towards those who still care about me.
you can flirt with all the guys all you want, seriously. oh, don't say that i'm being too harsh to use flirt on you. you are sure nice. cause i've seen worse. and seriously, after these days, that's really it. i'll keep quiet, cause under your
shadow glory, the one who sees me is the only one i want to see.
i'm sick of your multiple fake faces and fake shown of affection and many many more. you are so fake. i don't even bother caring about you anymore. alright. tho your actions and fakeness totally made me wanna curse you and go WTF, i shan't do it here. you wanna be fake, ok. i'll just treat you with the same degree of fakeness. let's see who collapse first.
as if who can't pretend to be a nice girl.
