wow, today was quite overwhelming, and it still is.
firstly the results, can't say i'm happy with them at all. but i've got nothing to complain about except myself. oh that sounds so cliche, right, because it's the same damn freaking ending every time. i dont even have the energy to say stuff like "im gonna do better", "i'll work harder" anymore. i feel tired, tired of myself.
there's this sudden rush of insecurity surrounding me. i dont know where it came from. it just suddenly struck me that twenty years down the road, when we all become different persons, what do i do? well obviously that won't be answered until that moment comes, it's more like i'm worried and don't know what i should feel and react now towards the us in future.
like RA. cruel but true i'd say i don't wanna know them anymore when that day comes. i don't wanna see everyone including myself turning complicated and superficial and becoming like.. a normal person. at that time, where do i derive my source of happiness from? thinking about this now makes me wanna end my life right away, which is such a wrong thought.
but i'm quite stubborn on breaking the ties with people when we all changed. i just feel that some things should stay the way they are and be kept like an art piece in a museum. i don't know if their values will go up though.
oh there's another ridiculous fact i just got to know today. it's so ridiculous and since the subject is not even worth mentioning, i shant waste my effort. you, and ridiculous things/people like you, should stay the way you are too. bye.
