i just feel like writing something down.
i need to calm my thoughts and organize my life, which is currently in a mess. seriously.
the major goals are finally written down and pasted on the wall, and they are staring at me all the time now. but i think something more specific should be done. if i go on like how i did in my 4 years in rg, i might as well just drop everything and go to poly now. as much as i dont want to admit, i still get a tinge of regret towards not taking physics. altho it is partly due to my love for bio...but if only i have worked harder.
so i shant let history repeats itself. since i took bio, now it is not just a H2 subject that i should do well in, it also carries whatever regrets and misery i left behind with physics. so yea. now it feels heavier on my shoulder.
and there are the other subjects i should keep up with as well. it feels horrible how i am already finding it difficult to keep up during chem and math lectures... maybe i am stupid after all, but i'll letHARDWORK RULE! hai rj library, you'll be my bff for the next two years :D
i really need to start doing things. my current state is so stagnant that it almost feels disgusting. i feel choked all the time, not able to move on. things accumulate and just drain away all my motivation. jc days so far have not improved but only gone worse. i cannot recall such desperation and hopelessness during my rg days. seriously, where's the slightest bit of passion i've ever had?
luckily or unluckily, i've got myself a new goal to catch. how it came about is definitely stupid and not worth mentioning. however i shall just let the stupidity remind me that i need to work hard, all the time. maybe after all that's the only good thing from it. and i think i've been placing my focus well, i almost forget the locker no. already :)
and no matter what, i will not give up on guitar. i will remember hide and kurt.
vacuum cleaner apparently has its maximum capacity. so before mine reaches its max,
lets go.
