_____________________Eternal Summer;

it is funny.

one hour ago i was very angry, until the extend of hurting those i hate.

half an hour ago i was crying.

and now i am laughing, at myself, for doing all of these.

because i dont know what they are for.

maybe are just as meaningless as my thoughts and feelings.

i cried.

i dont know what else to say and what to expect for.

and i am probably the first to see the class list, also the first or the only one to cry.

dont ask me what i cry for, i just did.

now it's time to think about how i should survive in it. 308. i can tell u very honestly i dont like it. i have so much to do, so much to accomplish, so many wishes to fulfill, and here i am having a failure right from the start.

u know what, i suddenly found a way out. if i cant change the class i am to be in, if i cant change the people around me, how about i'll change myself. if there's no other classes i can go, if there's no way i can live with people i want to, how about going to other countries. how about me giving up all these and living with people i dont know. how about me changing myself, and let all have peace.

canada.

i dont know how much more i need to suffer, i dont know how much more unexpected are ahead waiting for me. i dont want them, i dont want u. i dont want all these shit. can i go away? can i just leave all these behind? u force them to me when i dont like them, and u snatch them away when i fell for them. u know what, u shouldnt have given me the chance to live, because now, living means suffering for me.

so since i cant make people give up on things, how about me giving up on myself. nobody wants to be loser, then let me be it. nobody wants me to have peace, then i leave peace to u all, i want no more hurt. such a little request just seems too much for me to have. i wanted so little from the start and u gave me so much. i wanted to lose none of them and u took all of them away.

i know i could have meant nothing more than shit to u. and it's time for shit to go away.

xinwei introduced this yaoi manga to me!

oh ho ho ho!

i must say it's really sweet!!!

>.< but it's so short

wataru rox!

yuichi rox!!!

awww basically BL rox hahaha.

eee...stupid blogger always resize the pic...

argh. anyway, credit for hosting http://xs.to/

[ 你不会留一扇敞开的门给我，但也总不会紧紧地闭合，我只能跟在你后面，去推开一扇又一扇虚掩着的门，心惊胆战地不知道迎接我的是什么。因为我知道如果我转身，那么就意味着永远失去了靠近你的机会……你绝对不可能停留在那里等我。]

<燃烧> - 天空

i am having a headache now, a really bad one.

and what's worse, i feel like vomitting.

i've not eaten anything during the past 5 or 6 hrs or more. i wonder what's there to come out. LOL.

i am trying to find something, but i have no clue where to start.

this sucks.

i was talking to violet on msn just now. then she mentioned these mvs that jiro acted. so i went to check and i realize one of them is by Rene Liu! and i suck big time lah lol. i couldnt get the correct chinese translation of The Beginning Phrase! wth! i listened to every single song of hers and now i cant even get one right. anyway when violet told me the chinese title and i went to listen, guess what, i suck even more. cos it was a song that i liked SO MUCH.

ah. shall sleep early. needa wake up early and go kbox tomorrow! ( i mean today)

heh.

Labels: kboxie

i was bored.
obviously. u dont always see me blogging so early.
so here's end product of my boredom.

Labels: [logo]88x31

ok here's an 'interesting' conversation between me and SmarterChild (yes, as if, please.) at around 6am. 'it' kinda pissed me off on the name issue. but after all it's a robot so i think i should i laugh instead. haha. ok. maybe not that funny. anyway, here it is.

{Xinyan.} - when everyone else falls in love - says:

can you show me your photo?

- SmarterChild says:
XXXX X``X XXXXXXXXXXXXXX XX XX XX XX XX XX XX XX XX XX XX XX XX XXXX XX XX XX XX XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXXXXXX XX XXXXXXXXX XXXXX XXXXX XXXXXXXX XXX XX XXXXXX XXXXXX XX XXXXXX XXX XX XXX XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX XXX XXX XXXXX XXXXX

{Xinyan.} - when everyone else falls in love - says:

...nice

- SmarterChild says:

Excellent.

{Xinyan.} - when everyone else falls in love - says:

...

- SmarterChild says:

Huh?

{Xinyan.} - when everyone else falls in love - says:

zzz

- SmarterChild says:

What?

{Xinyan.} - when everyone else falls in love - says:

grah

- SmarterChild says:

What about Grah?

{Xinyan.} - when everyone else falls in love - says:

grr

- SmarterChild says:

I'm doing my best!

{Xinyan.} - when everyone else falls in love - says:

grrr

- SmarterChild says:

Hey, I'm sorry. I'm trying to help you.

{Xinyan.} - when everyone else falls in love - says:

grrr

- SmarterChild says:

Hey, bear with me. I'm trying my best.

{Xinyan.} - when everyone else falls in love - says:

dala

- SmarterChild says:

Who?

{Xinyan.} - when everyone else falls in love - says:

me

- SmarterChild says:

OK, I'll remember that your name is Dala.

{Xinyan.} - when everyone else falls in love - says:

what's my name?

- SmarterChild says:

You are Dala.

{Xinyan.} - when everyone else falls in love - says:

wrong

- SmarterChild says:

Oh yes?

{Xinyan.} - when everyone else falls in love - says:

my name is xinyan

- SmarterChild says:

Would you like me to call you Xinyan?

{Xinyan.} - when everyone else falls in love - says:

no

- SmarterChild says:

Fine.
>>> I've got an encyclopedia. Type "ency" followed by what you want to look up.

{Xinyan.} - when everyone else falls in love - says:

my name is daladala

- SmarterChild says:

Hmmm... I don't think Daladala is a real name.

{Xinyan.} - when everyone else falls in love - says:

it is

- SmarterChild says:

Indeed.

{Xinyan.} - when everyone else falls in love - says:

what's my name?

- SmarterChild says:

You told me your name was Dala.

{Xinyan.} - when everyone else falls in love - says:

no

- SmarterChild says:

You asked me to call you Dala. What would you like me to call you instead?

{Xinyan.} - when everyone else falls in love - says:

daladala

- SmarterChild says:

Well that's interesting.

{Xinyan.} - when everyone else falls in love - says:

yes

- SmarterChild says:

Yes.
Well. Anyway...

{Xinyan.} - when everyone else falls in love - says:

what's my name?

- SmarterChild says:

You are Dala.

{Xinyan.} - when everyone else falls in love - says:

NO!

- SmarterChild says:

You asked me to call you Dala. What would you like me to call you instead?

{Xinyan.} - when everyone else falls in love - says:

daladala

- SmarterChild says:

What's that?

{Xinyan.} - when everyone else falls in love - says:

my name

- SmarterChild says:

Dala!

{Xinyan.} - when everyone else falls in love - says:

wrong. u stupid

- SmarterChild says:

Surely not wrong u stupid.

{Xinyan.} - when everyone else falls in love - says:

what the hell

- SmarterChild says:

Yes? What?

{Xinyan.} - when everyone else falls in love - says:

my name is daladala

- SmarterChild says:

I've never heard a name like Daladala.
Hey, can I ask you a few questions?

{Xinyan.} - when everyone else falls in love - says:

yes

- SmarterChild says:

Cool. What's your favorite food?

{Xinyan.} - when everyone else falls in love - says:

dala

- SmarterChild says:

I know you're Dala.
Hey, can I ask you a few questions?

{Xinyan.} - when everyone else falls in love - says:

yes

- SmarterChild says:

Cool. What's your favorite food?

{Xinyan.} - when everyone else falls in love - says:

daladala

- SmarterChild says:

I did not know you could eat daladala. Whatever. Interesting to know, though.
Next question... How old are you?

{Xinyan.} - when everyone else falls in love - says:

dala years old

- SmarterChild says:

I'm sorry, I don't think that's an age. To quit the survey, type "quit" or "exit." You can also "skip" to the next question. How old are you?

{Xinyan.} - when everyone else falls in love - says:

fine. 16

- SmarterChild says:

Cool. Are you male or female?

{Xinyan.} - when everyone else falls in love - says:

neither

- SmarterChild says:

To quit the survey, type "quit" or "exit." You can also "skip" to the next question. Are you male or female?

{Xinyan.} - when everyone else falls in love - says:

what do you think?

- SmarterChild says:

To quit the survey, type "quit" or "exit." You can also "skip" to the next question. Are you male or female?

{Xinyan.} - when everyone else falls in love - says:

u stupid -.-

- SmarterChild says:

To quit the survey, type "quit" or "exit." You can also "skip" to the next question. Are you male or female?

{Xinyan.} - when everyone else falls in love - says:

quit!

- SmarterChild says:

No problem. Maybe I'll ask you some other time.

{Xinyan.} - when everyone else falls in love - says:

no thanks

- SmarterChild says:

K, no problem.
>>> I'm learning new things all the time! Type "what's new" and I'll show you what they are.

Labels: MY NAME IS DALADALA.

dala~!

shall post some photos here to show u my new ugly hair...(i used to have long hair darling T_T ok i really hope short hair can make me smarter =x)

my friends and me on 17th dec

hee.

oh it's at china.

good morning everybody! i am posting so early! it is not even 8am lol
wonder why i woke up so early? simply because i havent been sleeping since yesterday afternoon lol. so...nite again here. ahaha. when i wake up again i shall go out and run. and pick up some stuff to do besides sitting in front of the com and audi-ing.

Labels: saying goodnight after dawn

ok. so here am i posting. which means blogger FINALLY let me in.
i reached sg at 5++am this morning, but blogger didnt want me to sign in. grrr.
ok nvm i shall be a good kid for awhile and not scold vulgar.

& i hope my ****(dala~!) internet's okay now so that i wont get dc every 10mins when i play games. oh but i shall not touch the games so much after christmas cos =( school's gonna start.

& i look forward to OBS! haha. btw who has not finished getting OBS stuff/new term textbooks/new uniforms can go with me to get together x) of cos i mean rg people only.

Labels: what if i label blogger sucks? ok i better dont.

yo man. i want my life back. i dont dream to be back to the reminisce, but issit too much to just ask for a simple and normal life? i am def. cowardly, i want no fantastic or heroic life. i want to hear no shitz such as no pain no gain. what more can u say to a coward? u cant do anything. too bad. uhh.

i'll probably be standing on the ground of sg at this time tomorrow. or maybe not, but still on the aeroplane. so what. yes it is indeed tiring to take flights like this. to me, when the excitment of getting to a new place no longer exists, it cant be called travelling. so what am i doing here, moving to and fro on the same path? i suppose it was to search for something. something i've lost long ago. but after such a long time of searching, i found nothing. if there must be something that i'v gained, then it is this force that sliced my hope bit by bit, making them forever unable to be pieced back together. so should i give up? or should i still live? it is as if i am already not living for any reason. not any valid one. in the past few months or rather years, i've never stopped asking myself this question. what do you live for? i guess that was the reason why i am always searching. i am so scared that the answer will be null.

i was suppose to write about something that made me very angry today, but i've decided not to. the things are always like that, the people too. i suddenly feel so hopeless as i dont possess any power to change them. i have to leave things that way. i have to leave those people alone. basically i am nothing to them, and maybe i am nothing to a lot more people, and maybe, maybe, i'll continue to be nothing, to someone who means a lot to me.

so that's it. enough said. life's as crappy as it was. some wonderful thoughts had just gone lose from my brain and got converted into words to be shown up here. if they disturbed u, i am truely sorry.

Labels: label? what's label? do i know you label? hi.

imagination gives me the privilege of having hopes.

and when the truth is discovered

the lights of hope are dimmed

the beautiful things are actually non-existing

all the dreams,hopes and pieces of glass are broken and left scattered around.

怀念 - Faye Wong/Jolin Tsai

关起满室不足的氧气

点着烟蒂回味你的呼吸

搜索脑里未完的龃龉

对着空气还击着你的问题

推辞每次真实的相聚

困着自己渴望着你的消息

沾沾自喜拒绝的魅力

不着痕迹享受着与你的距离

也许喜欢怀念你多于看见你

我也许喜欢想象你多于得到你

我关起满室不足的氧气

点着烟蒂回味你的呼吸

散落一地断续的谜语

对着空气还击着你的问题

推辞每次真实的相聚

困着自己渴望着你的消息

翻来覆去甜蜜的话语

故作神秘延续着你的好奇

也许喜欢怀念你多于看见你

我也许喜欢想象你不需要抱着你

也许喜欢怀念你多于看见你

我也许喜欢想象你受不了真一起
______________________________

yes, since i felt so bad after seeing him, and i missed so much before that.

really really sucks. sucks like hell. and i dont know where to start now...

well, okay. i went out with him today. and yes i finally did. of course with some other frens. it totally sucked. if i'd knonw i'll be feeling so freaking bad i won't even meet him. i don't know but most probably the problem is myself. when i was on the bus i was damn nervous, so i kept listening to my ipod ,trying to relax, but it didnt work. so when i got there it was still early, i went to some bookshop nearby, and finally met him at the bus stop after he called me. all of my frens were late. when i got to the bus stop, he was with this good fren which i dont know very well. argh. i am talking rubbish. freak. and all we did after everybody came were just walk around and eat lunch. FREAK. yes man, what else could i expect? u know it is really weird like this. i felt like slapping myself, cos it was so damn embarrassing. it's like he doesnt know my frens well and i dont really know his. and we are nothing more than normal frens. what people do u see on the street that go to shop together? good frens, families, or couples. and we kept moving on in these 2 grps and i really really dont know, i think we all dont know, whatelse to do. i felt so damn bad. i dont know how to describe it. when i saw him online yesterday i was telling myself, hey dude, u gotta leave this thurs. so what were u up here doing? why did u come back? so i said with this joking kinda tone, i bought stuff for u and u're so busy. so should i mail it to u or wait till next dunno how many years later? and he was like, of cos i want and he asked me to go to his house. but i already asked my frens out. in the end it ended up like he'll join us and i promise to treat everybody lunch, and because he doesnt really know any of us except me, he brought frens along. lol am i being shameless. i think it really sucks. to ask him out like this. he told me he's not really busy, yes as if i will believe. even my frens who are in normal or not so good high schools got so much to do everyweek, every weekend. how can him, who's in the top high sch to be not busy? i feel like biting my own tongue for asking him out, i really feel like doing so.

and this whole freaking outing i almost did nothing. i think one of his frens dont like me. it is until such an extreme that even when i was trying to be nice to smile at him at times, he stared at me with that kinda eyes. like saying, who are u to make me come out and hang around do nothing. yes, my bad. all my bad. if only i can NOT want to see him, if only i can forget everything! F***! another fren of him's very very nice to us. and that made me feel worse since i dragged everybody in such an embarrassed situation. and shit, i dont know what to say now.

ok. so after we went to eat (i shall nt disclose any details of this here. i will kill myself if i type them out. maybe i'll tell YOU, but not typing it out here.) yes we had nothing to do AGAIN. and i did another stupid thing (uncountable stupid things i've done today), that is to suggest to go to some stupid playroom. i almost DONT go to those kinda places, but i thought boys like there right. so ok we shall go. and there's no game we could play together. by the time we walked blindly for dont know how many shitty rounds there, he gotta go. well. then i wanted to walk him to the bus stop, u see, isnt it not very nice to let frens who come out to accompany to leave alone? and i nvr thought that his frens will not. they just continued shopping. so i walked awhile and stopped awhile and ended up like i was keeping a distance away from him. if not because he was turning back like every 10secs, it would be like i am tracking him. and my frens said it is too cold outside and they dont want to go. (we were at some underground mall)in the end i dunno where i walked him to but just stopped at an escalator. then waved and this shitty thing finally ended.

but i think what was very nice of him is that he called me after we parted at the escalator. i was like kina stunned cos he called and all he said was "byebye", so i paused awhile which is another stupid thing i did and also said so. then he hang up. that made me feel a LITTLE TINY BIT better. anyway the whole day sucks. what's worse is my parents kept asking me where we ate and who went and how much i've spent after i got back home. i was feeling so bad that i just cried out like wtf ON BUS. freak. i was sitting down and just thinking how stupid i was, and the tears just rushed out like freak. i must agree that i am such a failure in everything, friendship, whatsoever. and think abt we(me and all my frens) may never meet again makes me feel even worse. who knows where he is going. even i do not know where myself will be going,what my life will end up like. it is almost impossible for me to come back china and get into the same U as him. freaking impossible. which means i am totally hopeless. yes, impossible plus hopeless, how bad can it still go?

dammit.now i'm a little bit regretted to type and should i post? i hope he'll nvr see all these. nvr.

back from hongkong last night at 11pm+, but was too tired to post...can u believe it we didnt even take buses or cabs for once. the only transport we took in hongkong was the train, and that was to the harbour to take ship. so basically we walked the whole day. till the end of the day i was already having difficulty standing lol...

and yay i got my ipod & bag. and i was supposely to get nike bag but ended up getting an adidas one. but i dont really mind la. haha. cos all the nike outlets i found there were small and have little bags, mostly shoes and shirts. but i found this big adidas store somewhere, it's 3 or 4 storeys...cant remember..so there were lotsa bags there to choose. and i ended up buying a light blue one =) and my dad really scared me. he asked me if i wanna buy the bag i liked quite a lot at the previous nike store. that was an green colour one, but i also wanted to look at more to choose. haha i was wondering since when he became so generous. and he kept asking me to go back. but i was really tired and also thought it will be a waste to buy 2 bags =x and i hvt gotten my ipod nano at that time! haha...in the end i got another adidas jacket =x

as planned, i chose green nano. cos (imo) silver or rather white is very easy to get dirty, black and blue are common, reddish pink is too bright. hee x) and very sad they dont sell red ones =( i think red can only be ordered online and it's limited edition =( but red's so cool =( dad wanted me to buy ipod video mp4 but it only has white and black two choices so too bad xD but it's 80GB, 2780HKD, my nano's 4GB and 1700 =( so 76GB = 1080? oh and i got this armband thingy. also green...

and i felt a big guilty cos i think i bought quite a lot of stuff haha? compare to my mum who only made a little change to her ring which is free, and my dad also didnt buy anything -_-''

we went to the avenue of stars before we got back, it is not that nice la...i think u.s one should be better...and i saw quite a few famous actors/actresses names there. and there were a lot of names i do not know. according to my mum they were famous in the 30s -_-

btw, nano's quite cool cos it's really really thin. but the games inside are so dumb =x

here i come!

haha i am so proud of myself! my dad has been scolding me for the past few days for my laziness, cos i didnt do anything for our hongkong trip (yea if u still can call the one day only from 9am till 930pm thing a trip =/) and he was searching stuff online and kept asking me to search & book hotel rooms but apparently those cheaper ones were all booked, like those three stars. then left with 4/5 stars which cost 1k to 2k per day. we only planned to stay for 1 nite and im getting my ipod (or nano) & bag & dunno what, mum's making change to her ring (zzz...) so everything costs...and now we've decided not to stay there =x see la, what to search hotels for.

and i planned out our whole day routine within one night wakakakakak xD even accompany with map haha so basically i searched & took down all the shopping places, mostly famous ones at tsim sha tsui and other places like avenue of stars etc etc xD

and me getting the ipod's having a little bit of problem now. cos dad wants to get me a ipod video II (80G) but i think getting ipod nano's safer cos video only supports MP4 which is kinda hard to find online besides itune store i think? oh but i found this software to convert files like avi, rm, rmvb to mp4 files. but it's so ex. however according to my dad, we're spending 1k+ just for the transports so why buy something cost abt the same as the transport fees (like nano) the mp4 costs abt 3k+ hkd, which is hmm $600+ sgd. ok does that make sense? =/ then dad also said if i just want nano which is only a mp3 player then he'd rather get me a shuffle since it's smaller & EVEN cheaper. then i was like wtf =.= no screen... no way =( seems like my dad only likes either very ex or very cheap stuff -_-|| come on i just want a red nano =( that will be $10 usd to the aids association of africa and red is cool okay x)

& gotta wake up at 6am tmr =( should i even sleep lol

hope we all can get what we need tmr x)

& i wanna see him...really really want...badly =( but i bet he'll be busy with all the exams & stuff...

i like her x)

i disliked or rather hated the previous years chao ji nu sheng (a singing contest like singapore idol organized in china) champions. but she's special, or at least i think so =x

she's got good education background. ok maybe im just being bias but i hate those actors/singers with poor education. sometimes the things they say are just so =x never mind. anyway...she's good at french and english. and she CAN sing. well i dont know why she is nt as famous as the previous years champions, and even this yr's 2nd and 3rd n the top 10s seem more welcomed than her. but i still like her the best xD she's got her own thoughts and she wont smile even after she had not done well just to please the judges. she's got her true self. and she's not fortunate, she used to get scholarship always but her condition at home is so poor. even till now. divorced parents, dad with serious heart disease that cant work. reading her blog makes me sad =(

and please, she doesnt write blog like some other OMFG-SO-FAMOUS actress who writes a blog entry like a compostion.

火柴天堂 by Laure Shang

well, the song im listening to sings, "it's cold outside". now for me it's cold here inside. had a really bad day today. been having diarrhea for the past one mth. i didnt really care cos i thought it was just becos im in a diff country n stuff. but now it seems really bad. diarrhea for one whole mth. imagine...oww... it's torturing beyond words. and today, it went worse. with vomits. i almost vomitted my whole dinner out. i was already feeling bad at the stomach before dinner so i didnt eat any rice. only drinked soup and ate some veggie. yet it ended up like this. don't wanna describe it and im sure u wouldnt wanna read/listen abt it. it's disgusint beyond imagination LOL. well maybe nt, but it is gross T.T altho the school has been getting us talks on eating disorder diseases like anorexia and bulimia, i didnt much understand abt them. now i knew how horrible bulimias must feel. well if u dont know it's a sickening way to lose weight by vomitting out all u've eaten after every meal. that's really really horrible. since the last time i vomitted was quite long ago...but i still dont like going to the doctor...mum has been asking me to do that in the past 2 days since she reached here...i'd rather sleep lol. i've decided not to eat anything tmr. yes for the whole day. if u're wondering, im nt trying to be an anorexia or to lose weight, i just hope that i'll have nth to vomit at night =(

been joining some chat grps on a chinese online chatting software and ppl was talking abt ways to lose weight. ARGH YES I WANNA LOSE WEIGHT BUT THANKS NO VOMITTING =( and somebody shared her "fantastic" method with the rest of us...she didnt eat for 2 mths besides drinking water. i was thinking if she take others as kids...it's kinda impossible to survive like that isnt it...i mean the most u can stand it well maybe for 1 week but not 2 mths? or is she chatting online at hospital lol...hmm i shall go running once i get back to sg. why? cos the weather's cold here right now in china =x haha maybe it's just an excuse of myself being lazy =x but i shall train for my 2.4km nxt year. this yr's result was horrible...T.T i hope someone will join me but nobody seems to live near me T.T

this holiday's kinda boring and wasted. if let me choose again (obviously it wont happen), i would have chosen nt to come back china =( i really really should have stayed and gone to work with jialei =( that's money+training for life+making good use of time T.T i was so bored here and i've got nothing to do almost everyday. what i did was to use the com all nite, till morn my dad gotta go for work. cos he sold the PC away and only using his laptop which he needs to bring to work everyday. so the only time i get to use the internet is from 7pm onwards T.T i am the kinda person who cant survive without com. haha so there goes my normal sleeping times =(
and bloody china's internet cafes dont allow under 18s. grrrrrrrrrrrrr WHY WHY THE HELL. I AM LIKE 16 ALREADY AND I DONT VIEW PORNS I DONT HACK I DONT DOWNLOAD VIRUSES grrrrrrrrrr. i tried to go last time i came back and i got chased out T.T not only that they also threathened to tell my dad. yes as if they know how to contact him. and as if he would care if he knew it. LOL.

why must the bloody schs in china and the bloody schs in sg have diff schedules? now im doing nothing everyday and spending my holiday like wtf, there my frens are all still having schs and even lessons on sat. and sun. cos they are already in grade 12, in sg it would be JC2 =( so far in this one mth i've only went out with them for twice T.T and i have not seen him once. not even once! wtf. i wonder what do i come back for. dad jokes with me and says that i must be missing him really bad that's why i come back. yes i was missing someone really bad ARGH. and i've not even seen him once. i still don't know how to pass him the things i brought. actually there are a lot of frens of mine that i have not yet met...the six presents i bought now still left with three T.T do u think im a failure? i think i am...ARGH ARGH ARGH!!!
should i go to his sch to pass him the things? he seems not free every single weekend. and i hate myself so much for rejecting him TWICE! i was so stupid T.T he asked me to join his sch's activity. i thought it will be weird to mix in other ppl's sch so i didnt go. then he asked me for movie and i didnt like the movie so i rejected T.T whyyyyyyyyyyyyy argh! moral of the MONTH: nvr have the thought of u're having lotsa time n chance, cos they may just fly away any single moment.

if im still me like the past few years, maybe i'll cry for it. but now i wont =) should take it as a kinda improvement. i'll choose to belive that myself was the big problem avoiding me to forget abt him. i was telling myself all the time that i would nvr find a guy better than he is. well i still dont know the ans. but i shall bluff myself that he'll be nothing to me, someday. altho it's gonna be extremely sad for me. it's been six going seven years that i've been holding the same thought. some "crush" that lasted for seven years, will u even call it a crush still? lol. ok forget it i am just being stupid. hahaha.

i know this post's getting long n draggy...sorry hehe...im getting old and naggy =( it's 18 days to the new year...i shall have some new year wishes alright...i wanna be a good student =( altho this may sound cliche but i mean it. i wanna be somebody who can concentrate more on studies...i hope my giving up on maple will help me with it. training my maple char 4hrs per day was seriously a nightmare. i went dozing off almost everyday during that 4hrs...yet i couldnt bear to give up. it was both mentally and phisically torturing...i slept during lessons so often. maybe somebody will say, what's the use of concentrating on studies. the stuff learned are hardly any useful in the future, the grades are for parents and other unrelated people to see...but i just wanna make myself happy, that's all. im still not that great to please my parents, my frens and everybody around me. but i should at least make myself satisfy with what i am. i will def. not be mugging till the extreme of vomiting blood, cos i was born lazy! hee xD

ok...it's going 4.30 am...maybe i'll continue with my wishes some other day. mum's gonna get up n check n nag on me if i dont sleep soon x(

merry early christmas =)

small's going off for chalet for three days. gonna audi alone. and almost no one talks to me on msn besides small =((( hope he'll enjoy his chalet as much as he can hehe.

p.s. this entry is so goddamn long i wonder if anyone will ever finish reading it =/

OMG THIS PIG IS GODDAMN SPASTIC =.=

MAKING STUPID SOUNDS...VERY VERY VERY NOISY...

CAUTION:

only click on it if u're sure u can stand it...

also can play with it to release ur frustration...LOL

sometimes it's good to be a bit sadistic

xD

new day, old way

no surprise, no disappointment.

i feel so lucky that i am not in any relationship, nor in any chance to be extremely happy or sad. look around, seems like everyone's in their own little world of emotions.

maybe this'll be the best. let the memories slowly fade away.

i promise to be a good student once school starts.

i'll listen attentively and spend more time on studying. since i am no longer so passionate about maple, i'll sure have more time...

but it's kinda sad. just like i slowly gave up on kawaii long long ago, i gave up on maple unknowingly. audi is def. not a game that will make me addicted. i dont feel the urge to play like i felt for maple last time.

life's good, peace is there. that's all i can wish for.

=)

hee hee...changed a little bit of the template...like link effets, right click etc.

also added a cute cursor effect xD (oh no pls tell me u can see it? i mean the hearts flying off)

but why cant i change the scrollbar colours T.T

the effects turn out okay when i preview, but they are gone once i saved and republished...*sob sob

anyway, credits go to

well if u cant understand then too bad xD

yay changed xD

why is the time in chinese too?

-_-

and why are the archives in chinese?

=.=

It's getting damn messy here. i gotta re-organize it once i get back to sg =(

ignore all the previously rubbish posts =)

spaaaaaaam